Gainful employment

His coach recognized that this kid needs a job.

Otherwise he's all flibberty gibbets or just flopsy mopsy in the outfield.

Honestly, I can relate.

Pool is open ...

Which means *someone* will be starting fires with pool water.

*Someone* will be putting them out with pool water.

And their mother will be losing the perennial battle with weeds ... and pool water.

Boston Strong ...

On April 16, 2013 -- one day after the Boston Marathon bombings -- I bought my first pair of running shoes.

I don't know what I was thinking, but what was going through my mind was a bit confusing.

I had planned to join my kids in a running clinic offered by a local running club, but I wasn't looking forward to it. I joked that someone would have to chase me if I was ever expected to run.

Har-dee-har-har. Imsooooofunneeeeeee.

But the green and gray shoes, still in their box in the back of my car, turned out to be an investment rather than an expense.

And in the eight (injury-filled) months that followed they went with me for more than 300 miles.

I didn't hate it anywhere near as much as I thought I would.

In fact, I loved the road and the routes. I have loved running with friends and family. I have even come to accept the wisdom of every pulled muscle as if it were a revered teacher.

I have so much to learn.

It was with this in mind that I followed Boston Marathon World Race, and signed up to run 26.2 miles in honor of the 2014 marathon. "Any Ability, Any Distance, Anywhere" was the theme.

It took me nearly six hours in six days (over two weeks' time) to run the distance.

Just putting one foot in front of the other.

Second fool, once removed

"I think there's been some foolishness in the refrigerator. ... Go check for me, ok."



Boy opens refrigerator and runs from room crying.

"How could you think that was funny?" he screams accusingly.

He is in tears. Barely making sense. Something about food trying to eat him in a nightmare ...

"I'm sorry, buddy. I thought you would think that was a funny prank."

He looks up, smiling like a maniac through a tear stained face.

"April fools!"

"What? Really? But. ... those are real tears!"

"I know. I know. I punched myself in the face!"

Mouths of babes

"Mom! I just flossed. There are no more calories on my teeth."

Joy is ...

107 birthdays ...

Cousins ...

And a bed for bouncing ...

Power struggle

Don't worry. The dog won.

Of course I asked ...

"Where's the milk crate strapped to the handlebar, and the alien wrapped in a blanket? "

Olympic dreams

They did it!

They took the GOLD MEDAL!




Our own Three-Beanie-Boo bobsled team!

Snow Day

The morning commute was a little different today.

Roads waited for plows. Sidewalks waited for shovels. 

Girls waited for nothing.

A little daring. 

A little danger. 

A lot of joy.

This is winter ...

In all its magnificence. 

Pelfies

Oh ... Hi, Hooooman! You're back ...

I thought you'd gone away ... Forever.

I was worried. You know ... because I don't really know how to get food out of all these storage contraptions.

It was a relief that you hadn't eaten all of your lunch when you left before.

Don't worry about that cottage cheese ...

I totally cleaned that up.

No need to thank me.

But you're welcome.




Dogs.

So selfish.

feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme feedmefeedmefeedme.

On the menu this evening we have starters, non-starters and apps

There we were, sitting across a square table from one another.

A platter of fun food in between us.

The whole family. In a restaurant. Having a nice time.

As is usual for us, a round-robin of non-sequitur arguments changes the course of conversation as if we were speaking in pinball.

I could tell you how we got on the subject of gun control, but it would take too long, and the bells and lights from the silver ball's awkward trajectory would be maddeningly distracting.

Let's just say Jed sprung the ball into the maze, it dinged off Silas, lit up Annabel and got stuck under my flipper, tilting the whole entire game.

Here's the gist:

"Every state should have a Department of Firearms (just like the Department of Motor Vehicles) that licenses gun owners and registers guns by class. Initial licenses would be awarded after successful completion of written, field and background tests, and renewal would require inspection (periodic background checks).  Furthermore, gun owners would be required to carry liability insurance for each firearm in their possession. Let the risk pools float where they may." 

In other words: Let's just put our cards on the actuarial table.

"Sure, you can have that AR-15, but if you are under 25 or have teenagers at home, it is going to put you in a higher risk pool. Accident or not, you will be liable for damages."

Crickets.

The conversation I thought we were having disappeared. I was left alone with my thoughts as my husband furiously typed away on his cell phone and the kids tried to guess when our meals would arrive at the table.

"You know ... I hardly ever speak to other human beings during the day ... the least you could do is humor me at dinner."

He smiled and handed me his phone:

"Thank you for contacting the White House ... "

"I told them 'My wife has a brilliant idea. ...' Betcha didn't know there's an app for that."

What does Fantastic Mr. Fox say?

"Maybe a few of you might even read my column from time to time, who knows. I tend to doubt it."

May the Force be with you

Jingle Bells

Yoda smells ...

Anakin laid an egg ...

X-wing fighter lost a wing ...

..... Aaaaand Darth Vader does ballet

Yes, Ittybit, there is a Santa Claus

He doesn't disappear.

He evolves.

Ten years ago

And still, you are incredibly sweet.



Happy Birthday, Ittybit.

Naughty & Nice

She made me a horse ornament ...




... to apologize ....


for making me a horse ornament ...

A rare sighting

Teenage angst is all around her.

And not just because she rides the school bus with high schoolers.

She's growing up.

Toys are scarce on her Christmas list.

The encroachment of fashions and accessories have pushed them into endangered territory.

And yet, the Ittybit she used to be hop-skipped off the bus today -- past the seniors and sophomores - and into my arms wearing a poinsettia ornament she'd made in art class with construction paper and a clothespin.

"It was just too pretty not to wear in my hair."

There's still time to make HORRIBLE gifts ... usually around 1 a.m.

You know what happens when a person like me can't sleep?

They come up with really horrifying sewing projects that will undoubtedly (and unfortunately) wind up as a school grab bag present.

So ...

Thanks to insomnia, some poor kid will have to deal with ...

THE SNIFFLE PILLOW & BLANKETCHIEF SET

Essentially, it's a pocket tissue pack cover and a double-sided doll action figure blanket made with flannel scraps.

To make the pillow cover:

*Cut two pieces of fabric, the exterior side is 5 1/2 inches by 6 1/2 inches and the lining will be 5 1/2 by 7 1/2 inches.

*Sandwich the fabrics right sides facing each other, ends meeting. Sew first side.

*Adjust the opposite ends so they meet. Sew second side.

*Turn right sides out and press flat so that the lining leaves a 1/4 inch of border on either side.

*Turn lining side out, fold so that borders meet. Sew raw ends closed.

Turn right side out. Stuff with pocket pack.

To make the blanketchief:

*Cut two pieces of fabric the same size. (I used 8 x10)

*Sandwich right sides together.

*Sew around all four sides, leaving a three-inch gap to turn blanket right side out.

*Close end and sew 1/4 border all the way around the blanket to finish.



I'm fairly certain there is a reason this toy has never been invented before.

Smart adults usually discourage children from playing with phlegm.

If you can't laugh at this ...

You might be visited this evening by a few ghosts.