You only need one

Did I ever tell you that I once had the job title "Wedding Consultant?" for a photography company?

It was way back when I was the girl who never wanted to get married, never wanted to have children. ... just wanted to roam around with a camera and see new things.

Tragically cliched.

I was perhaps the worst wedding consultant in the history of wedding consultants. I'd routinely tell folks to buy the least expensive package ...

I reckoned there would be the same amount of photos to choose from, there'd just be a bigger book after the wedding. So 'You can always upgrade," is what I told them.

That was a fun job.

There were a lot of hilarious requests.

"Can you make the wall green? I meant to have that room painted before the wedding but never got to do it."

"My husband had too much to drink at the reception and hung out with his friends all night in the bar. Can you work some magic and put him in pictures with me at the reception?"

'Course, it probably wasn't as fun as my early days at the newspaper.

Engagement and wedding announcements can be hilarious, too.

You not only get to peek into the lives of different kinds of folks all doing the same thing - getting married - you also get to laugh a little at what the hype and hoopla makes them do.

Like the woman who sent in her engagement photo, a photocopied studio print with the groom-to-be's head taped over what appeared to be another man's body. At first I laughed, thinking the unprintable art project was the result of timing and desperation. Maybe they didn't have any photos together yet?

Yeah ... No.

Turns out she didn't really like her intended's physique so she pasted a picture of her beloved over her ex-boyfriend's body.

I will not tell you what I bet the longevity of that marriage would be, but I imagined the wedding proofs should be speedy if the photographer hoped to have them paid for a picked up.

Of course I never really understood how much I had in common with that vain bride until I had an engagement of my own to announce.

I set up my tripod and a YashicamatLM twinlens reflex in my make-shift studio and demanded my fiance smile for the camera. I set the timer and ran to his side 12 times.

When the roll was developed it seemed apparent to me that while there were frames that flattered us both, there were none that flatter us together.

So I picked one of me I liked best. And I pasted his head from another on on top.

Go head, scroll back up and check. My photoshop skills weren't really that good. But I guess anything is better than tape.