You know who you are. You rhyme with "Loam Cheapo."
We've got this kid, and she's three. And she's really cute if I do say so myself. Some of your employees say so, too, when she visits your enormous store with her dad and they shop for tools and building supplies.
I know that YOU are not a parent, and you are not responsible for any behavior-related rewards a parent of such a child -- who was being EXCEEDINGLY charming just sitting in the shopping cart, singing to herself and talking with other shoppers, as her dad filled it up with all kinds of widgets and gizmos that a kid her age isn't allowed to touch. You know, in order to prevent electric shock. In other words: NOT TOYS -- might wish to bestow.
And those balloons ... with the festive spring colors you had littered about the store sure looked good to a kid like that. In fact, the dad asked one of your orange-vested mules if it would be alright to take one of the resplendent orbs.
"Well, can I buy one."
"They're not for sale. NO."
When someone spends $600 in electrical supplies at your cavernous warehouse, it seems a gratis balloon would be nothing short of beneficient customer service.
So for the cost of a balloon and two teary eyes, we'd like you to know that we'll be spending our big-box home improvement money at Lowes. It will be worth the trip.