I think it's a law ...

Because all baking should be the product of empirical data and not tossing ingredients into recipes that look similar to the ingredients of which you ran out, real bakers would probably call the police if you tried this in their kitchens:

CHOCOLATE CHIP PANCOOKIES


CREAM (for way too long because you put the blender on and walked out of the room to do something else)
*Two sticks salted butter (who wants to deal with the one stick of shortening the recipe required? Not me.)
* One cup granulated sugar (no brown sugar in the house that wasn't in brick form).
ADD
* Two eggs (one just looks insufficient)
* Some vanilla (It smells good, so add more than two measly teaspoons)
* Some salt (probably should go in the flour mixture, but it all goes in the same place, right?
GRADUALLY (by the teaspoon) ADD
*1 1/2 cups of all purpose flour and 1/2 cup of add-only-water pancake mix (because ... well, they're both powdery)
THEN JUST TOSS IN (not bothering to stir)
* an entire bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips (because whomever thought two cups is enough is just plain mean).



SPOON onto a parchment-lined baking sheet (because who needs another pan to clean) and bake in a 350 degree oven until the edges are golden brown. (Try not to be alarmed when the blobs of batter look like melting ice cream in the oven).

Makes about four dozen cookies (half of which will be either raw in the center or burned) that you will probably need to eat with a fork.

or better yet.

Just eat the batter and pretend it's a dessert mousse.

Got cookies?

The first time I earnestly made cookies for a "Cookie Party" (somewhere in the neighborhood of six or 18 thousand dozens) I went into labor a day before the party and the butter shortbreads, hand dipped in dark chocolate, were parceled out to the nursing staff on the maternity ward.

That was about seven years ago ...

This year we attended the same party and Jed took over the production, making his grandma's recipe bourbon balls.

(Jed, if you're reading, I did NOT spit mine out in the trash ... that was someone else. I pinky swear.)

Thing is, I kinda wish there were more of these kinds of parties in my holiday itinerary. I could eat dinners made of cookies from now until Christmas, no problem.

So, with that in mind, I thought I'd host a virtual cookie exchange here. I'd share a recipe with you in hopes you'll share one with me.

Of course I didn't really have a recipe ... so chances are I won't be able to recreate them ...

(Aren't you glad you come here?)

Anyhow ... without further spoilage, I give you ...


ISLAND COOKIES

PREHEAT oven to 350 degrees

TOSS the following ingredients into a mixing bowl:
* Two cups or so of finely ground oatmeal
* A few shakes of enriched white flour (maybe a 3/4 of a cup) or almond flour
* About two tablespoons of butter, softened
* About two tablespoons of canola oil
* Half a box of dark brown sugar
* About half a cup of granulated sugar
* Two pours of vanilla extract
* A pinch of salt
* A spoon-tip of baking soda (couldn't find the baking powder but I would have put in an equal amount of that).

BLEND
For a while.

THEN ADD IN
About a cup of chocolate chunks
3/4 of a bag of shredded coconut
three dried pineapple rings, chopped

PLACE
Heaping teaspoons of batter on a parchment lined baking sheet)
Bake for 10 minutes.

*I know they don't look like much, but they taste so good.

Random Question Thursday

What's your favorite recipe and why?
*Bonus points if you share how to make it.

It's no secret that my cooking skills leave a lot to be desired. While the foods of sustenance (breakfast-lunch-and-dinner) give me little or no pleasure at all, the treats of decadence (desserts) make me happy to toil away in kitchenland.

So. With Ittybit's upcoming gradution from the Marilla Cuthbert Academy for Unspeakably Charming Children, I've been rhumanatin' on what to give her teachers. In the past I've given them etsy-made single pack tissue covers, hand-made (not by me) bath bombs and, as it was so elegantly renamed by my husband, chocolate covered compost.

The idea of food gifts has made me practically giddy with delight lately, especially in light of our upcoming (though still unscheduled) move.

But what about the final hurrah? The last impression?

I decided the prettiest, easiest thing I could make was Chocolate Covered Toffee.

So ... using a pilfered recipe from the Interwebs, I added (and subtracted) a few ingredients and voila! Candy.

Here's the gist:

STUFF YOU NEED:
4 sticks of salted butter
2 cups of granulated sugar
6 tablespoons of water
1 bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips
A half a cup of blanched almonds, lightly ground into a chunky dust
A candy thermometer
A large pot
Baking sheets (use one for thick candy, two for thinner candy.
Parchment paper (to line baking sheets).

WHAT YOU DO:
Prepare baking sheet and almonds in advance, set aside.
Throw butter, sugar, water and vanilla in the pot and cook over medium heat, stirring constantly. Put candy thermometer in so that it's NOT touching the bottom of the pot and keep stirring. I had to hold the thermometer in one hand and stir with the other, (stupid thick-sided pan!) so I really thought seriously about fudging and not bringing the mixture all the way to hard-crack (300 degrees). But I resisted laziness persevered ... it's only about 25 minutes. ... right?

Once the velvety goo reaches the magic 300 degree mark, remove from heat and pour onto the parchment-lined baking sheets. Dump the chocolate chips over the hot toffee a wait until they melt. Spread the chocolate over the top, then sprinkle with the almond dust. Let it cool for a few hours. ... in the fridge if you have room ... and then break it into little bits.

THE PRESENTATION:
I'm slightly proud of myself that I was able to salvage two glass jars (doing nothing but collecting dust and holding dry beans from 1999) so that I could nix a trip to Target and the very real potential that a quest for two glass jars (perhaps $8) would end up costing $80 in additional purchases.

UPSIDE: EASY homemade gift, two fewer things to move from one house to another, and zero dollars spent on impulse purchases.

DOWNSIDE: There's a week left until the graduation and I don't think the natives will ignore such yumminess staring them straight in the face every time one of them opens the fridge. Might be forced to repete recipe next week (in middle of the night and in total secrecy).

It will be worth it: success never tasted sweeter, sweartogod.

It's pretty easy being green

green smoothie, originally uploaded by toyfoto.

A banana
A cup of plain lowfat yogurt
A splash of orange juice
A fistful of spinach

What they say is true: you can't taste the greens.

Sunshiny day

Sunshiny day, originally uploaded by toyfoto.

Strange things happen when you have two children and no life.

You can get a sitter - go to dinner and a movie - but it's not as fun if you know that the big kid won't go to bed and the little kid might not stop crying until you return.

You could go to a restaurant that doesn't mind if your kids hang from the chandeliers and shoot peas from their noses. But that's not really relaxing.

Even if you stretch out on the couch after you manage to cajole the children to sleep, there's really no need to have another conversation with your spouse; you can already finish their sentences.

So what are parent's supposed to do?

I'll tell you what. They're supposed to try and date OTHER PARENTS who have kids 'roundabout the same age.

That's what we've been doing; courting folks who seem friendly and interesting, and who don't mind hanging out with us for a few hours on a weekend.

It's been tough. Scheduling has been more tight than JFK's flight patterns. Until this weekend, we'd been striking out. But then we got a bite. A nice family that owns a local ice cream shop invited us to dinner Sunday.

God, I hope I make a good impression. I hope I don't break anything or shoot beer out of my nose from laughing. ... That would be horrid.

I mean I'm already breaking the first set of instructions: Don't bring anything aside from yourselves ... **


PEAR AND GINGER UPSIDE-DOWN CAKE

Nonstick vegetable oil spray
1 1/2 cups cake flour
1 tablespoon plus 3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
2 teaspoons ground ginger
1 1/8 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
1/4 teaspoon ground allspice
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 cup milk (do not use low-fat or nonfat)
3/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature
1/2 cup (packed) golden brown sugar
1 large egg
1/2 cup mild-flavored (light) molasses
3 firm but ripe Bosc pears, peeled, cored, thinly sliced

Preheat oven to 350°F. Spray 9-inch-diameter cake pan with 2-inch-high sides with nonstick vegetable oil spray. Sift flour and next 8 ingredients into medium bowl. Combine milk and vanilla in glass measuring cup. Beat butter and sugar in large bowl until lightly and fluffy. Add egg and beat until will blended. Add molasses and beat will. Mix in dry ingredients alternately with milk mixture, beginning and ending with dry ingredients. Arrange pears in bottom of prepared pan. Pour batter over.

Bake cake until tester inserted into center comes out clean, about 40 minutes. Transfer pan to rack and cool 10 minutes. Using small knife, cut around sides of pan to loosen cake. Turn cake out into rack and cool slightly. (Cake can be prepared 1 day ahead. Cover and store at room temperature.)

Serve warm or at room temperature with whipped cream.

**I hope it doesn't suck.

It's all fun and games until someone loses a pie

I am at work, twiddling my thumbs as I wait for the IT guy to come and fix our massive headache often referred to simply as "the system," so I thought instead of dwelling on the sour bile of this madness, I'd share some toothsome treats instead.

We made this together, and it really was quite delightful.

Summer Strawberry Toddler

• Step one: Mom, drink something quick and alcoholic. A shot of tequila works nicely.
• Step two: Gather supplies. You will need 8 large strawberries - 2 for eating and 6 for slicing. One ready-made pie crust (who needs all that work when Betty Crocker can do it for you)? One tablespoon of sugar. A sharp knife. A tartlet pan.
• Step three: TAKE THE KNIFE AWAY FROM THE TODDLER.
• Step four: Slice the 6 strawberries, while diverting toddler's attention with the 2 "decoy" berries.
• Step five: Put tartlet pan down on center of crust and cut a large circle with knife. Line pan with center part of crust material.
• Step six: Instruct toddler to dump berries into pan. ... She may do so ONE AT A TIME ...... S-L-O-W-L-Y, so try and be patient.
• Step seven: Put drop-cloth on floor then hand toddler a tablespoon and the sugar bowl. (Word to the wise: do this project with only a small smackerell of sugar clinging to the bottom of the bowl. Even a small amount of the sweet stuff strewn on the floor will make you feel like your walking on a beach, only without the nice surroundings and the calm push of rhythmic waves).
• Step eight: TAKE THE KNIFE AWAY FROM THE TODDLER.
• Step nine: Slice narrow strips of crust from remnants and weave them across top of pie. Some toddlers will make curly-que designs while throwing them at the dog.
• Step 10: Hand kid the leftover leftovers to play with since you forgot to preheat the oven to 350 degrees (hotter if your oven sucks).
• Step 11: Remove dough pieces from the dog's back and TAKE THE KNIFE AWAY FROM THE TODDLER and put it in the dishwasher already. Sheesh.
• Step 12: When is that oven going to heat up, damnit? Tap foot while clicking oven light on and off, over and over, showing your creamy OCD center.
• Step 13: Make a second pie, you have time and a leftover pie crust anyway, not to mention there's sugar all over the floor, so the mess is no longer an obstacle. *Use your hands to rip pie crusts and mash strawberries so you won't be tempted to use the knife (now safely in the dishwasher) on your throat.
  
• Step 14: Put pies in oven and bake about 20 minutes or until the crusts are a golden brown, (or longer if your oven sucks).
• Step 15: Save one of the pies for daddy because toddler will demand "ICE PEEM" after feeding her lopsided, gnawed-on portion to the dog.

At least it looked pretty, huh?

And as luck would have it, you will be spared the rundown on the clean-up procedures. the "system" is working again ... for now.


THE YAYA REPORT
What's happening at the other mom's house ...

She's like a kitten ... I can prove it.

REPORT
Today was a playpen kinda day, starting at 10:30 a.m.

Annabel: "Can I go to seep, now? Peas? Peas, can I?"

Lori: "Well, it's a little early ... but Ok ..."

10:45 a.m. Do you think she's asleep? No, she's standing on her head, she's shaking out her blankets, she's doing her normal pre-sleeping activities like house cleaning.

11 a.m. I couldn't believe it. She was OUT COLD. ... Of course when she wakes up she'll do it all over again: her pre- and post-sleeping activities.