I am at work, twiddling my thumbs as I wait for the IT guy to come and fix our massive headache often referred to simply as "the system," so I thought instead of dwelling on the sour bile of this madness, I'd share some toothsome treats instead.
We made this together, and it really was quite delightful.
Summer Strawberry Toddler
- Step one: Mom, drink something quick and alcoholic. A shot of tequila works nicely.
- Step two: Gather supplies. You will need 8 large strawberries - 2 for eating and 6 for slicing. One ready-made pie crust (who needs all that work when Betty Crocker can do it for you)? One tablespoon of sugar. A sharp knife. A tartlet pan.
- Step three: TAKE THE KNIFE AWAY FROM THE TODDLER.
- Step four: Slice the 6 strawberries, while diverting toddler's attention with the 2 "decoy" berries.
- Step five: Put tartlet pan down on center of crust and cut a large circle with knife. Line pan with center part of crust material.
- Step six: Instruct toddler to dump berries into pan. ... She may do so ONE AT A TIME ...... S-L-O-W-L-Y, so try and be patient.
- Step seven: Put drop-cloth on floor then hand toddler a tablespoon and the sugar bowl. (Word to the wise: do this project with only a small smackerell of sugar clinging to the bottom of the bowl. Even a small amount of the sweet stuff strewn on the floor will make you feel like your walking on a beach, only without the nice surroundings and the calm push of rhythmic waves).
- Step eight: TAKE THE KNIFE AWAY FROM THE TODDLER.
- Step nine: Slice narrow strips of crust from remnants and weave them across top of pie. Some toddlers will make curly-que designs while throwing them at the dog.
- Step 10: Hand kid the leftover leftovers to play with since you forgot to preheat the oven to 350 degrees (hotter if your oven sucks).
- Step 11: Remove dough pieces from the dog's back and TAKE THE KNIFE AWAY FROM THE TODDLER and put it in the dishwasher already. Sheesh.
- Step 12: When is that oven going to heat up, damnit? Tap foot while clicking oven light on and off, over and over, showing your creamy OCD center.
- Step 13: Make a second pie, you have time and a leftover pie crust anyway, not to mention there's sugar all over the floor, so the mess is no longer an obstacle. *Use your hands to rip pie crusts and mash strawberries so you won't be tempted to use the knife (now safely in the dishwasher) on your throat.
- Step 14: Put pies in oven and bake about 20 minutes or until the crusts are a golden brown, (or longer if your oven sucks).
- Step 15: Save one of the pies for daddy because toddler will demand "ICE PEEM" after feeding her lopsided, gnawed-on portion to the dog.
At least it looked pretty, huh?And as luck would have it, you will be spared the rundown on the clean-up procedures. the "system" is working again ... for now.
THE YAYA REPORT
What's happening at the other mom's house ...
She's like a kitten ... I can prove it.
Today was a playpen kinda day, starting at 10:30 a.m.
Annabel: "Can I go to seep, now? Peas? Peas, can I?"
Lori: "Well, it's a little early ... but Ok ..."
10:45 a.m. Do you think she's asleep? No, she's standing on her head, she's shaking out her blankets, she's doing her normal pre-sleeping activities like house cleaning.
11 a.m. I couldn't believe it. She was OUT COLD. ... Of course when she wakes up she'll do it all over again: her pre- and post-sleeping activities.