Tuesday, June 20, 2006

It's all fun and games until someone loses a pie



I am at work, twiddling my thumbs as I wait for the IT guy to come and fix our massive headache often referred to simply as "the system," so I thought instead of dwelling on the sour bile of this madness, I'd share some toothsome treats instead.

We made this together, and it really was quite delightful.


Summer Strawberry Toddler

  • Step one: Mom, drink something quick and alcoholic. A shot of tequila works nicely.
  • Step two: Gather supplies. You will need 8 large strawberries - 2 for eating and 6 for slicing. One ready-made pie crust (who needs all that work when Betty Crocker can do it for you)? One tablespoon of sugar. A sharp knife. A tartlet pan.
  • Step three: TAKE THE KNIFE AWAY FROM THE TODDLER.
  • Step four: Slice the 6 strawberries, while diverting toddler's attention with the 2 "decoy" berries.
  • Step five: Put tartlet pan down on center of crust and cut a large circle with knife. Line pan with center part of crust material.
  • Step six: Instruct toddler to dump berries into pan. ... She may do so ONE AT A TIME ...... S-L-O-W-L-Y, so try and be patient.
  • Step seven: Put drop-cloth on floor then hand toddler a tablespoon and the sugar bowl. (Word to the wise: do this project with only a small smackerell of sugar clinging to the bottom of the bowl. Even a small amount of the sweet stuff strewn on the floor will make you feel like your walking on a beach, only without the nice surroundings and the calm push of rhythmic waves).
  • Step eight: TAKE THE KNIFE AWAY FROM THE TODDLER.
  • Step nine: Slice narrow strips of crust from remnants and weave them across top of pie. Some toddlers will make curly-que designs while throwing them at the dog.
  • Step 10: Hand kid the leftover leftovers to play with since you forgot to preheat the oven to 350 degrees (hotter if your oven sucks).
  • Step 11: Remove dough pieces from the dog's back and TAKE THE KNIFE AWAY FROM THE TODDLER and put it in the dishwasher already. Sheesh.
  • Step 12: When is that oven going to heat up, damnit? Tap foot while clicking oven light on and off, over and over, showing your creamy OCD center.
  • Step 13: Make a second pie, you have time and a leftover pie crust anyway, not to mention there's sugar all over the floor, so the mess is no longer an obstacle. *Use your hands to rip pie crusts and mash strawberries so you won't be tempted to use the knife (now safely in the dishwasher) on your throat.
  • Step 14: Put pies in oven and bake about 20 minutes or until the crusts are a golden brown, (or longer if your oven sucks).
  • Step 15: Save one of the pies for daddy because toddler will demand "ICE PEEM" after feeding her lopsided, gnawed-on portion to the dog.

At least it looked pretty, huh?

And as luck would have it, you will be spared the rundown on the clean-up procedures. the "system" is working again ... for now.


THE YAYA REPORT
What's happening at the other mom's house ...

She's like a kitten ... I can prove it.

REPORT
Today was a playpen kinda day, starting at 10:30 a.m.


Annabel:
"Can I go to seep, now? Peas? Peas, can I?"

Lori:
"Well, it's a little early ... but Ok ..."

10:45 a.m.
Do you think she's asleep? No, she's standing on her head, she's shaking out her blankets, she's doing her normal pre-sleeping activities like house cleaning.

11 a.m.
I couldn't believe it. She was OUT COLD. ... Of course when she wakes up she'll do it all over again: her pre- and post-sleeping activities.

8 comments:

Mom101 said...

Mmmmmm... pie.

Gail said...

I found your instruction manual for pie-making with toddlers to be very humorous because it describes exactly what my imagination conjured up for this process :)

My love for linguistics also adores the fact that you write phonetically.

You should audioblog the toddler, sometime.

toyfoto said...

There is a vimeo floating around here somewhere of Annabel singing the itsy bitsy "pieder" but, unfortunately, after that our video camera retired from active duty. Now I have the dilemma of what to do: I'm not terribly technical, and I don't want to spend too much money. I really want to record her voice now that she's talking non-stop, but I've been hemming and hawing about purchasing any new technology.

supa said...

Oh man, this post was AWESOME. I am going to have the phrase "TAKE THE KNIFE AWAY FROM THE TODDLER" in my head all day. Which is OK, because I imagine it's a command that could come in useful.

Annabel really is a treat unto her self. So cute.

Andrea said...

Those pictures are so deceiving, because it looks like this was the easiest thing in the world. You're a mighty talented photographer.

You have given me an idea. When I miss the beach, I'm just going to sprinkle some sugar on the floor and walk through it on my way to get out the Swiffer. I'll remember just how much the sand gets everywhere!

toyfoto said...

As long as you keep the knife away from the toddler, it's really not THAT bad, really.

Christine said...

Use Audioblog or Odeo to record her voice with a microphone. I believe Audioblog will even let you use a regular phone. Good fill in until you get a new video recorder.

I'm still giggling over the "keep the knife away from the toddler" part.

Gail said...

Yes, audioblogger lets you use a regular telephone. It's a San Francisco number, unsurprisingly:

http://audioblogger.com/

(415) 856-0205

I've used it very sparingly over the years (although I can still use the link OFF Blogger), but I think if you've got a good long distance plan you're good to go!