Monday, December 01, 2008

My heart's center


heart center, originally uploaded by toyfoto.

Dear Annabel,

You will soon be five.

In any other message I would bemoan the fact that you are growing up. I would wonder where the time went. Five years is no time at all but, by the same token, it's an eternity.

But I am not sad that you are growing up. I don't miss the baby you were as much as I love the girl you are right now. I love that you are so curious, that you are not shy. I love that you are so interested in the world around you.

You've gone from a tiny baby to a tiny little girl. I'm still able to tote you about; swing you around, but you are heavier in my arms. I have to take breaks and regroup my strength. I have to employ the "mommy's tired" approach to such activities in earnest.

I know that you are dealing with a lot of growing up stuff right now. There are frustrations. There are miscommunications. There are some bad days that end with fewer books read at bedtime and angry "Goodnights" ... more of a command for silence than a wish for sweet dreams.

I am not proud of this. I AM the adult. I DO know better.

It may not seem like it, but whenever there is sadness on your face it settles in my heart.

You should know that while I don't consider you an "easy" child, I love you for all your complexity.

You are sensitive, robust and inquisitive. You are kind and loving. I hope you are resilient, too. I know that any effort people make on your behalf will be repayed with interest.

I know I can't always protect your feelings, even from my own thoughtless outbursts. But I know that I love you always and forever.
And I woudn't want you to be anyone else.

You are my heart's center.

Love,

Mommy.

8 comments:

Bill said...

What a beautiful post! This is EXACTLY how I feel about my 4 year old daughter, only I'm not that eloquent (so I'll link to your post, heh heh). From the bit about fewer books/angry "Goodnights" to loving her for all her complexity - it really is like you read my mind about my daughter.

Unfortunately, there have been a lot of unread books at bedtime lately as she tests her (and my) limits...and I know what you mean about hoping she's resilient. *laugh*

melanie said...

Okay, now I'm weepy.

toyfoto said...

Bill. I will NEVER tell your daughter you didn't write it. Wink. Copy. Paste.

kblanz said...

I SO GET WHAT YOU ARE SAYING!

Four is SO wonderful. Five is like WOW! Yes, there are the attitudes, the rules, and arching of eyebrows BUT....it's all worth every minute.

My son turning six in February, so we are only one step ahead of you and A.

This past year has brought about a TON of change with school and all -- I've begun to see the "man" he's going to be when he gets older. I absolutely LOVE watching him grow up, it's incredibly exciting.

You summed it all up so well.

Complexities and all.

You totally rock and so does your daughter. Ok, so your whole family does too.

Christina said...

Wow, this is good stuff. You have such a way of finding exactly the right words to cut to the heart of the matter. This is me and my daughter. She may be only just-turned-three rather than almost-five...but this is us. Thanks.

Leslie said...

Found your blog - and this post, specifically - via Momology, and I'm so glad. I needed the perspective today. Hope you don't mind that I linked to it!

Martha said...

That was lovely, Sio.

gkgirl said...

this was beautiful...
and this line...
so got me...


"It may not seem like it, but whenever there is sadness on your face it settles in my heart."