What I learned today ...

I was not cut out to be a stage mom.

Either that or I am the quintessential stage mom ...

So I had to cut out.

What I learned in one hour ...

in my new role as a soccer mom ....

Kindergarteners follow each other around like a flock of geese ...

Even when the ball is nowhere in sight.

Third graders, on the other hand, look more like the Maytag Repairman.

Especially when they're in the goalie position.

Yet win ...

or lose ...

Everyone gets a pretty good feeling just playing the game.

What I learned at dance recital 2012 ...

Eye shadow? Bring it.

Lip gloss. More is not enough.

Blusher? Ran out. C'est la vie. 

But foundation? Bad mojo.

Those freckles?  ....  Do. Not. Mess. With. Them.

They aren't sprinkles of sun damage to her, they are a fine dusting of happiness on her cheeks.

Without them she just isn't herself.

Photographic evidence ...

Cats don't really care if you are living. Their only requirements are that you look like you are trying to read and that you have a lap.

Shhhhh ...

"What do you want for breakfast, Champ? Yogurt? Granola?"

"Yeah. In a glass bowl, though. ... Hey, did you know that dad is getting you all new bowls for your birfday? He's getting the green ones to replace the ones what the dog broked."

"Hmmm. That's nice, honey. ... Hey ... wait ... is that the gift dad told you about on the condition that you'd keep it a secret."

"Yeah ... shhhhhhhh."

Lost and found

We took this picture for the flyer.

"FOUND. POMERANIAN. MAIN STREET. CALL blah, blah, blah"

The downturned smile is because she KNOWS this dog has an owner who misses her.

Homeless pomeranians are a rarity. Someone was bound to know to whom she belonged. All we needed to do was call around.

But having a dog for a few hours, feeding her steak and listening to her snore, was also a pretty good indicator that maybe it's time to start looking for our dog.

What I learned today ...

Patience IS a virtue ...

What else I learned today:

The Champ's wonky left kidney is noticeably LESS wonky.

What I learned today

In 1960 Jerry Lewis made a movie called "Cinderfella."

What I learned yesterday ...

* Lawn chairs can eat finger tips.

* We have some incredible friends (who will hunt through the weeds to find aforementioned dismemberment).

* "I was" over a cell phone sounds a lot like "Silas."

AND ...

* Emergency room visits aren't that bad when you realize the person in the back of the ambulance was your husband and not your son.

Things I learned today ...

* Although domestic cats (many of which are feral) are estimated to kill millions of wild birds each year, more birds meet their untimely demise as a result of building collisions.

* I like to lessen my own culpability in ecosystem damage.

* Bells on collars do not prevent cats from killing wildlife; some studies suggest that the bells may even condition the animals to be more efficient at stalking their prey silently.

* Again with the minimizing of pet-owner responsibility.

* Cats are the Zebra muscle of the domesticated animal world -- an invasive species..

* And that catbird I managed to wrestle from her terrible claws will probably die anyway.

Crap.

Oh, wait. There is an upside:

* A "University tested" and humane way to protect songbirds AND humiliate their would-be killers: The Cat Bib.

Always on the clock

He'd been thinking about it for years ... weighing the pros and cons ... but he finally decided it was a necessary evil.

He bought a punch clock to track the hours he and his employees work.

With its adroit accounting of time, this mechanical menace is intended to streamline payroll ... not shave hours from paychecks.

That's how he explained it as I squinted my eyes toward the news.

It isn't a popular device.

His employees are smiling tightly and shrugging their shoulders, but it's not something that the psyche easily dismisses.

"Em had a dream about you," he told me recently.

"Really? About me?"

"Yes. ... She dreamed you started working with us and you designed this amazingly beautiful time card."

"Time card?"

"Yeah ... she hates the whole time clock thing but said they way you designed the cards made it somewhat easier to accept."

I stood there for a while ...

In awe of this news.

"You mean to tell me YOU instituted a punch clock and I'M get the blame in her dreams?"

"Awesome, huh?"

Room service

Ittybit hasn't slept in her room since just about this time last year.

I blamed myself.

Every night since the night after that one, she's put on her pajamas, brushed her teeth and bunked down with her brother in his room.

She didn't want to be alone and the lights from cars and other sounds that invaded her mostly curtain-less room were too much to bear.

Of course that last part wasn't made clear to me until this past weekend when she had her first overnight guest, which, for space reasons, necessitated a return to her pink nightmare.

It was all arranged. She would sleep in her bed with her friend, and The Champ would sleep in his old toddler bed that's been providing overflow toy storage behind her dollhouse.

The only problem?

Putting some lids on the drafty old, light emitting windows.

Curtains can't be that difficult, I've told myself ... while perusing the linen aisles at Target. And yet a few yards at the fabric store will set me back nearly double the sale price of the pretty, glittery, purple stripy thing right there.

Don't forget the likelihood that any panels I make would be lopsided, jagged and generally more shabby than chic.

Still, I never flopped any bargain-bin draperies into my basket. Not when she only used the room to play. Ten bucks is ten bucks.

There must have been some divine intervention, though, because just the day before this dilemma, I'd stopped at a fabric store and bought some half-priced novelty flannel thinking I'd make pillowcases. Turns out the two yards of mermaids swimming in flowers I'd impulse purchased would almost (but not quite) exactly fit the two windows needing coverage.

So here it is ... vacation week's first craftacular project ...


JUST KEEP SWIMMING SHADES

WHAT YOU DO

* Measure your windows
* Get all excited that you have JUST ENOUGH material to barely cover the opening
* Then pretty much ignore what ever measurements and fold the fabric in half and cut. Repeat (vertically) for panels
* IGNORE the fact that none of the panels match width wise and REJOICE that you've somehow managed to make them the same length


WHAT TO AVOID
* HEMMING THE CURTAIN ROD SLEEVE FIRST
Thankfully ... Ittybit is skilled with the seam ripper.




BUT I DIGRESS...
* Pin and hem the edges of the pannels.
* Fold over the top edge about two inches, pin and sew straight across along lowest edge of the fold
* We then used white chainette fringe to finish (and lengthen) the bottom edges of the curtains. And, YES, I did happen to have some of this stuff just laying around (but I had to look up what this product was called because it had been graciously mailed to us with some other decorative odds and ends).



THAT'S IT.

Oh .. well, that, and since we have about a gazillion yards of organza from aforementioned material benefactor, Ittybit picked a color she though would look like cool water for the mermaids. We made a single panel for each window that we squished it in the middle of the rod -- a watery filling for the mermaid sandwich.



THAT WAS IT



All together, it took me about an hour and a half to complete the project but If you know what you're doing I'm guessing it will take about 20 minutes.

******

Now ... I bet you're wondering how well these curtains helped little cherubs sleep?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

The first-ever sleepover?

What human child has ever actually slept during a sleepover?

An imperfect fairytale

She lost another tooth ...

An incisor this time.

Luckily the Tooth Fairy was notified in time for her to break the last $20 in her special Tooth-Reimbursement Wallet. She knew the only other denomination in all of Tooth Fairy Land that night was a $50, which belonged to another Tooth Fairy Land resident.

You know I'm making this all up, right? I have no idea what's in the Tooth Fairy's wallet ... or if she even has a wallet.

Rituals surrounding the loss of primary teeth span cultures and are older than history.

The Tooth Fairy, Dog Bless her, is, by most accounts, one of the more modern of all mystical beings known for breaking into the houses of children. She's seems to have appeared from nowhere a little more than 100 years ago, presumably to make the scary part of growing up a little more enjoyable.

And having materialized from thin air and fairy dust, she has the most elastic of rituals. She has a special door, she slides through keyholes, she takes the tooth, she leaves the tooth, she gives coins or bills or trinkets. Sometimes she leaves toothbrushes ... For every house she has a different routine.

Of course, she's also the most hardworking of all sprites, seeing as how there's no set day in which she visits ... which means she sometimes forgets, which means she's the only mythical being who is allowed to be imperfect.

For instance, when Ittybit woke up this morning and found her tooth (as requested) in addition to a $5 bill (We are on the high side of the Tooth Fairy Inflationary Index) but not a note from the fairy herself answering the question in the postscript: "What do you do with all the baby teeth you collect" ... I knew I could just wave my hands in the air and make some excuse that would the poor fairy off the hook.

It would also give me time to Google the internuts.

Everything from makes castles out of them to reissues them to new babies was among the potential alternatives.

Jay LG: "ever heard of calcium fortified orange juice? or milk? she's also been known to make generic calcium tablets."

Underwonder: "She donates them to ex-hockey players and homeless people."

Concerned: "Well, of course, the tooth fairy builds the most wonderful creative playgrounds for all the children who need fun, out of those beautiful sparkly white toothy bricks. You can dream about this if you choose."

Skookum: "The tooth fairy has a recycling program. You know that grainy stuff in toothpaste? That's the ground up teeth."

Terry: "The teeth are brought into the fairies' circle and danced into releasing the Magick into the world. This is how Magick and Magickal creatures have lasted and will last as long as there are children."

Jupiteress: "I was told and I believe they build castles with them. They also use them in the dreams of dentists."

Smokey D: "She uses them to make dentures to replace those her aging parents are constantly breaking eating Werthers hard candies."


So ...

That's my question for the day ...

What do you think the Tooth Fairy does with all those baby teeth?

Things Annabel learned this weekend

lamb, originally uploaded by toyfoto.

Lambs are very cute.

Lambs are VERY loud.

Lambs are *kinda* stinky.

Sheep cheese is a little sour tasting.

Sheep cheese makers have lambs all year long (not just in spring).

And so long as the door to the nursery shed is open, visitors are welcome.

Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Sheep Cheese Makers.

Something tells me this won't be the first time I see this look

Dear Ittybit,

How many ways can a parent fail their child on the first day of school?

Why don't we count ...

1. Bus for kindergartners makes a special trip on the first day. ... One hour AFTER the usual time. Stepping on the early bus only to have to climb right back down will cause tears.

2. That bus tag that has your name, address, phone number and route number? The one every other kid has pinned to their clothes? Should have been pinned to your dress not lost in the mess we call our house.

3. You will need to pack a healthy snack each and every day ... BUT NOT ON THE FIRST DAY. Everyone eats graham crackers and milk on the first day.

4. Uhm ... lunch money?

5. Where is that piece of paper from the dentist's office confirming that you are a patient? (Probably hanging out with the bus tag in the mess we call a house).

6. Oh look, there's all these cute pictures of your classmates on the bulletin board. ... We needed to provide a photograph from home? Where did they ask for that? Oh, right there ... where it says put extra clothes in shoe box to store in cubby. At least I remembered the shoe box. Perhaps tomorrow I will remember the clothes.

7. Forms ... morfs ... smorfs? What form was that? Oh, right ... the health one.

8. Homework folder? Whoops. Wrong one.

9. Oh. ... the scissors were communal? Shouldn't have put your name on them, huh? Oh riiiiight. ... says so right there with the photo and extra clothes shoe box.

10. Tearing up in class to the point of vision problems after reading (in class) the little note from your teachers, tucked inside a sandwich baggie containing a little pink cotton ball:

"To Our Dearest Kindergarten Parents,

We just wanted to give you a little gift as you leave your "little growing edge of the world" with us for the first time tomorrow so you will not go away empty handed.

As you hold this cotton ball in your hand tomorrow, the softness will help you recall the gentle spirit of your child. After you have wiped your tears, make your self a warm cup of tea. Put your feet up and relax. Remember that together we will work along side your child this year to help him/her grow to his/her fullest capabilities.

Thank you for entrusting your child with us for the upcoming school year. We promise to do our best every day to be your child's companions in learning and exploring this bright new world he/she has just stepped into ... the wonderful world of "I can!"

Sincerely,

Kate and Nicole

Please know, Ittybit, I don't usually cry at sappy form letters. (Evidently I don't read them either.)

Love,

Mommy

What I know about kittens (will probably do me no good when she's a cat in 20 to 30 weeks)

So …

We now live with a cat.

Strike that. KITTEN.

Ittybit is emphatic I call it a “K-I-T-T-E-U-S-J-I-N, or however you spell it.”

And because I know some of you (especially those lovely and articulate readers, who took the time to send their amazingly helpful advice about cat kitten husbandry) are interested to know how we’re all making out with the new resident, I’ve compiled an annotated list of my new understanding of the “Felion” persuasion:

As directed by the shelter, we positioned Ariel’s food bowls and litter box in a “safe room,” which was explained as a room that the kitten could roam and leave at will but that the dog couldn’t access.

Now this may be a little indelicate, but I really don’t know how the kitten managed to get her pee and poo into the litter box seeing as how her privacy was limited to inner thought while Ittybit carried her around the room the whole time using creative holds that contorted the poor animal into uncomfortable looking positions. The fact that she never once tried to wriggle away or scratch the three-and-a-half-foot tormentor is a testament to her temperament and key to my first observation: Kittens are weird.

Now this temperament thing may or may not be related to my second observation: This kitten seems to be a little dog-like. Not only did she come when called, she also tends to roll on her recently spayed belly to have it rubbed. The weirdest part was when she did this to the dog. As Maddy chased her around the house once she’d ventured out of her safe zone, instead of booking it to the Switzerland that is my office, she flopped on her back and surrendered.

My third observation has to be related to her age – 16 weeks – or her walnut-sized brain: Kittens are unable to stop forward momentum. All I’m saying about this finding is “Thank heavens for widow screens.”

The fourth observation, which should be filed away in the "Be Careful of What You Wish For" category: Kittens are the most vampire-like of all household pets. Nocturnal schmockturnal. We know this because Ittybit was insistent on letting the cat sleep in her room, and, after giving the kitty the grand tour of toys, expected the little fuzz butt to settle down and sleep. She did not, however, expect to be attacked under the covers by a tiny fur ball hunting imaginary vermin in the great snowy plain of an oversized summer duvet cover. The little miss was somewhat dismayed by the fact that once invited her little monster wouldn’t leave until banished behind a closed door.

I can honestly say, at that point, I worried about the honeymoon being over.

All was forgiven though when Ittybit woke up in the morning and was met at the top of the stairs by her kitten of the undead, still wide awake and ready for action but now looking a little worse for wear as her entire head had been slobbered in dog-drool love.

Which lead me to another realization about the so-called cat and dog relationship.

In just 24-hours Maddy has gone from being a dog’s dog to a cat’s dog. Not only did she drool copious amounts of slimy, sloppy love onto the feline’s head, but she also herded off a visiting dog whose intentions toward her new kitten were unclear.

Of course when Ariel sat still so ittybit could dry her off with a towel, the only thing I really need to know about cats I learned on day one: Kittens are weird.

Polite Society

polite society, originally uploaded by toyfoto.

... and his five-year-old sister.

Seriously, though ... Who knew he'd actually eat FOOD if he were seated at a "kiddie table" with his big sister?

Annabel knew. *High five!*

Dinner's on the floor from now on. Well ... technically, it will be about a foot up from the floor.