And then the Big Bad Wolf ate the Little Pig

video confer with grandma, originally uploaded by toyfoto.

Things I learned while on a video conference call with the in-laws.

1. The kids will melt down two minutes into the conversation for no apparent reason.

2. The older kid will melt down any time the video feed cuts out and she can no longer view the person to whom we are conversing.

3. A nursing mother WILL have part of her anatomy exposed unbeknowst to her during three-quarters of all conversations. (Note to self: CHECK over clothing coverage before answering the door from NOW ON).

4. One adult will IMMEDIATELY need to use the bathroom upon opening up the conference call window. And there's no MUTE button in the world that's going to be successful in letting THAT happen.

5. There is NO WAY four people can comfortably fit in the space alotted to a laptop. Someone will eventually lose an eye.

6. Any books read by preschoolers to their grandparents during video conferences will be long and filled with stunning insite into the depravity to which her parents have fallen:

"The wolf eats the first pig, whose house is made of straw.

"And then he eats the second pig, whose house is made of sticks.

"But then the pig who lives in the brick house goes to get turnips, and apples and to get a butter churn so he can eat the wolf when he comes down the chimney."

What? You let your kids read that santized stuff where in the little pigs go scurrying to the increasingly better fortified houses of their siblings? The one where the wolf and the pigs become friends?

Pssssshhhhht.