Sunday, July 23, 2006

Next weekend we're taking her to a strip joint


I'm having a bit of trouble with the appropriate-inappropriate dynamic as it pertains to toddlers. When my husband's right eyebrow arches upward, I know I've dropped the ball and it's rolling away faster than you can say: "That's prolly not a good I-D-er."

Some folks outside of our household have already expressed surprise at the following parenting faux pas:

  • We take Annabel to the pub on a weekly basis.
  • She has eaten cake for breakfast on more than one occasion.
  • We let her watch Shrek (even though the characters are rude to each other). Ditto for Pinky and the Brain (brain, brain, brain).

I try to answer her questions as accurately as possible, although I often slip up with things having to do with science, mainly because I don't think my answers are adequate. When she says she doesn't want it to be dark out, I watch the hairs on Jed's neck stand up as I tell her the sun has to nap sometime, otherwise it couldn't shine as brightly.
And so, another note for her future therapist must go on the permanent record:

"Mama? You wanna see a stulpture, mama? Tum on."

Art Omi's Open Day. Thirty artists from around the world spend three weeks in this adult summer camp making art that will help them make the transition from emerging to established in the art world.

Every year there's something that makes your head spin: A memorable one a few years ago came from a woman from Tokyo who stained Kotex mini pads with a red substance and affixed them to the wall of her studio. That was fun.

This year's eye-popping works were life-sized, papier mache body casts of people writhing in pain. One showed its head exploding from the back. Another had two men in a pose that appeared ... to be ... well.

... Damn Jed for foisting this studio visit off on me.
"Mommy what is that man doing with the baby?"

"Uhm ... that's not a baby, baby. It's another man. And-what-he's-doing-is-called-fallatio. ... Oh look, lemonade ... Let's go get some, OK?"

"Mom said he was doing fat-a-pio, daddy!"

"O ....K ... You explain fellatio but you tell her the sun takes a nap? What's up with that?"
Yeah ... Tune in next week when we'll be taking ittybit to a strip joint. ... Can you say 'They're playing my T-H-O-N-G?'

So much for culture.

Is it time for a shot?

12 comments:

Gail said...

Oh, that's funny. It reminds me of when I had my little nieces and nephew over at my Vancouver apartment, which overlooked the beach and was a perfect vantage point for parades and fireworks. Including the Gay Pride Parade. Which, of course opens up with Dykes on Bikes... oh, the questions!

diana said...

I really don't get art most of the time.

toyfoto said...

We'll here's something that won't help you out Diana ... Also at this shindig was a collaborative performance piece called "Cat Walk." Two women in A-line dresses were at either end of a 60-or-so-foot pier set up in a field. One woman sat on a turning circle, the other stood in three-inch pink heels with a bunch of faux greens in her mouth. After an excruciatingly long time she made her way down the pier as if she were blind, her heels getting caught in each crack of the plank. When she got to where the other woman sat, she stripped off her dress, revealing a canvas a-line dress underneath. As the woman on the revolving circle faced her she painted a line drawing of a deer on to the front of the dress with ketchup and mustard. (stopping when she was passed and resuming when she faced her again.

Ummmm. For this we're risking ticks in knee-high grass?

Andrea said...

And our parents rode their bikes without helmets and ate cookies with real sugar and ran down the street barefoot after the (moving) ice cream truck... Don't second guess yourself too much. You're doing well by Annabel, and when she gets older, she'll appreciate that her mother was (mostly) honest with her.

kimmyk said...

I remember taking my daughter to an art show and being forever greatful they served drinks. I shoved drinks down her as if she were a camel when I was afraid of the questions. "Want more pop?" Yeah. Works everytime.

Be Still said...

Hilarious!

The "kids in pubs" thing is pretty acceptable where I live since Lawrence bars are non-smoking. The only time I might look askance is if someone had the kid out after 10:00 or was plastered.

Christine said...

Cake is quite possibly better than donuts or most sugary cereals. Like others have said, our parents survived so much worse. The fellatio thing though? Too funny!

ECR said...

Oh, this is one I've been thinking about a lot lately, as I cruise around town with the Howard Stern Show booming from my Sirius Satellite Radio unit. My daughter turned 1 year old last Friday, and I know my days of being shocked by that jock are numbered...unless I get headphones. Can I do that? Drive with headphones? Is it safe?

ECR said...

oops, I commented with my new identity. I'm in the process of switching over from 8 Hours to a new blog, but I haven't made any announcements yet. Anyway, it's me, Binky.

toyfoto said...

I am on pins and needles, Binky. I can't wait to see it.

toyfoto said...

Oh ... and as to the safety issues. ... You can use ONE ear bud ... as you would a cell phone device. So you can tune in Stern in mono (not stereo).

Firestarter5 said...

"You explain fellatio but you tell her the sun takes a nap? What's up with that?"

LMAO...I can see the look on his face.