Monday, October 15, 2007

Holding you up, not holding you back

Dear Silas,

Most people who meet you wonder if you have legs.

I'm not kidding.

It's because I wear you like a bookbag in a colorful pouch made of cotton. For nearly four months you've been laying down, sitting up or, at times, standing in the sling with only bits and pieces of you showing.

I've referred to this time as the fourth trimester, soon it's turning into the fifth.

Lots of people have wondered what it's doing to your development.

Many people have wondered if it wouldn't be better for you ... and the babysitter ... and virtually anyone in your life who deals with you when I'm away ... if I had put you down more often.

And while I know your dad would like to see the adoration you show me (and your sister), I know and he knows his time will come.

Perhaps it would be easier for us if you were happy merely looking up at the mobile on the ceiling, or bouncing in a chair for hours at a time. Perhaps it will be a difficult transition when you move from our bed to a bed of your own because you've slept with me each night since your arrival.

But really, it isn't about easy. It isn't about the other people in your life; they will find a way that works for them. It isn't about social norms or past experiences.

This is about you. And me.

There will come a day when you will run off on your own. You will want and need your space.

I'm not talking about high school or college or moving into adulthood, I'm talking about six months from now when you are learning to walk.

Soon enough you will want to be put down. You will want to explore our world.

I'm not doing you any harm by holding onto you until then. All your milestones are happening regardless: You are finding your hands. You are making sounds that sound like words (I like to say you say MAAAMA already). You are even grasping at things you can pull toward you, and turning over from your front to your back on the occasions you are not being held. You react to the sound of our voices, especially
your sister's.

I know you are fine. You are just taking everything in now so in you can run with it
later. I know that holding you up isn't holding you back.

Love,

Mama

3 comments:

Redneck Mommy said...

Beautiful. And so true. Enjoy every damn minute because this time is so fleeting.

How I wish I had one of my own to snuggle up to and pack around.

the mad momma said...

oh what a beautiful letter. I am such a believer in attachment parenting. who are these people who are so concerned that our children will grow to teenagers and still be in slings? God bless Silas. I am sure he is more than well and healthy and happy. keep it up.

Aqua said...

beautifully written! i appreciate and somehow empathize with your sentiments. "holding you up isn't holding you back". i love these lines.

more power to you i say. these days i look at my independent little preschooler daughter and wish i could snuggle her the way i used to when she was a baby. time flies so hold on to yr baby while he lets you :)