Tuesday, May 29, 2007

I don't understand what they're trying to tell me ...

If any of you sign up for e-mail updates for pregnancy-related stuff you already know about the kind of advice they give you, most of which borders on the rediculous.

With both pregnancies, I signed up with Babycenter for its once-weekly e-mails that let me know how I should be feeling that week. More than not, it was right on the money. The week it told me I might experience leg cramps ... I did. Similarly, the weeks it suggested I would feel tired, I did. Bleeding gums? Check. Nosebleeds? Got 'em. Fetal movement? Yes-siree-bob. The only thing I managed to avoid this time around was the dreaded round ligament pain.

For some reason, I enjoy getting these missives. I like the simple paragraph that tells me frankly what's typically happening inside my gene pool. It's enough information to keep me going but not enough to make me crazy.

I learned my lesson about too much information the first time around, after the sheer excitement of being pregnant caused Jed to run out and purchase every damn pregnancy guide known to man.

We had been on vacation and it was raining so all I did was immerse myself in the books. ...

'UHHHH... Varicose veins ... hemorrhoids ... miscarriage ... bedrest ... preterm labor ... fetal or maternal death?


After scaring myself beyond redemption, I stopped reading and decided to consult the books only when I had a question. I felt better. The first chance I got I shipped those books over to the library book sale. Good riddance.

Yet the need for information creeps in, even the second time around. I don't consult books anymore, however, and I don't even look at the chat boxes of Babycenter site, where "women at your stage" talk about the joys that it is to be a parent.

Frankly, I don't understand their happy, shiney "I love being a mom and telling you what I'm doing better than you" brand of maternal-one-upsmanship. Nevertheless, I signed up for the e-mail updates just for the nostalgia and pretty much ignore everything else. Half-way through this gestation, I even expanded my virtual junkmail to include spam from PregnancyWeekly.

But my gosh, is that site's particular brand of wisdom just the opposite of interesting or what?

As evidence, I'd like to share the e-mail that came today. ...

Aside from the fact that I barely COMB my hair on a normal day, pregnant or not, let alone spend any time styling it, I find something completely offensive about a pregnancy tip that spends any time discussing something two feet above my uterus that is not spelled B-R-A-I-N.

As in ... do they think I don't have one?


Kcoz said...

Over in “The Nam” the mama sons would spit out child on a rice patty, take a day or two off and be out in the field… but they were young. You started late so you will have a harder time with your pregnancy…. Women who have their first child in their early twenty’s have a easier time with the rest of their offspring.
Just a Mother Nature thing, and if I remember correctly you tried to explained mother nature to Annabel when she was comparing her to religion… it is science and a rule of nature.
Quit reading all that confusing information, you know your body and you take care of it as far as I can tell… you will be just fine.

We want to see you have this baby so “buck –up”

Best wishes and always saying what I shouldn’t, Kcoz.

mamatulip said...

LOL. I love this post.

stefanierj said...

My hatred of all books pregnancy-related is deep and abiding. I actually wouldn't mind a preggo tip that wasn't baby-related, but it needs to be somewhat preggo-related, right? like "because of hormonal changes, you may notice your hair is different....blah blah blah." but this one you got? wha? What's next, a discussion of how to get your tomatoes to ripen on the vine? How to maximize your car's fuel efficiency?

Redneck Mommy said...

They do say a woman's brain shrinks while pregnant.

Don't hurt me.

I think your hair looks lovely.

Even if, apparently they don't.

Kelly said...

Ack! I guess they've gone and run out of useful content, huh?

wordgirl said...

I drove myself crazy enough with the book "What to Expect While You're Expecting". If I had had a website sending my e-mails? Hmmm. Padded room for me, kiddo.

Mrs. Harridan said...

The worst during my pregnancy was the iVillage newsletter, whose every missive consisted primarily of hair tips and "maternity fashion." When it wasn't that, it was recipes for me to make for myself and my husband. Just tell me about the baby and my symptoms, thanks!

bubandpie said...

Round ligament pain! It starts for me two days BEFORE my missed period. How is that even possible?