Oh sure, for you folks it's been real all along. Some crazy, mommy-blabber writing ad nauseam about the joys and craptacular moments of a second pregnancy. (yyyyyyyyyyyawn).
But even though I talk about it, and even think about it to the point of obsession, the whole concept of another person in the house has eluded me.
It's not as if I'm delusional, really. It's not as if I don't know this thing twisting around in my belly is more than a silly parlor trick I use to amuse myself late at night when I can't sleep.
(Yes, son, I think it's hilarious that if I balance an envelope on the "fundus" eventually you move it around like a boat on the water. I call the simple little game 'Fundus for One of Us').
I know you're going to be here soon. I worry about all the things I haven't done. All the errands I've ignored. The organizing I've put off. I worry about how Annabel will feel once her planet is bumped from the center of the universe. I worry about whether I'll be able to leave the house at a reasonable hour ever again with an infant and a preschooler in tow. I wonder how I'll manage to do all the things I could barely manage to do with just one child grabbing on to my leg and yelling "PICK ME UP."
But I haven't given a single thought to what YOU will be like, Thing 2.
Will you be funny and sweet? Will you be stoic and wise? Will you walk early or late? I'm sure there's all kinds of comparisons we'll be making as we try to get to know the you that is separate from us.
I never stopped to think about whether there is enough love to go around, even though I know it's a normal qualm needing quelling. As a parent, so the cliche goes, you are so enamoured with your firstborn that you can't imagine anyone else fitting in between.
It's something that can't be easily explained. It has to be felt.
This morning, when Annabel woke me up with her usual greeting: "It's morning time. It's not night time anymore," and I opened my eyes to see her crooked smile and tousseled head inches from my nose, I knew there is love enough for two.
If one of these is joy two has got to be fairly close to nirvana.